RESET

September 7th, 2025

I’m happy today. I feel that I was able to get the reset I deserve this week. I’m eating cleaner and my intense sugar cravings have dialed down a LOT. I’ve slept well, and tomorrow is another chance to start anew.

Tomorrow I have work, and then class. After that, I’m packing clothes so I can go right to the gym. I’ve prepared my breakfast, among other things, and so I’m planning to have a great and productive day.

Today, I was thinking about the concept of boundaries and what it means to establish relationships on stable grounds, which requires both (or all) individuals’ comfort and feelings to be taken into account and balanced. That’s something I’ve historically missed. I’ve been both extremely selfish and extremely selfless (which is ironically a form of selfishness). Somehow I’m re-tracing my steps and figuring out the error in my own formula. It sounds a lot more lax than it actually is. Sometimes it’s actually humbling.

I’m realizing that it’s unproductive to be afraid of hard conversations, because in the long term, it just results in more discomfort when we are afraid to speak our minds. I think in the past, I’ve been deeply afraid of upsetting the other person or them having a strong negative reaction - or that the dynamic would be permanently shifted in a weird way.

This weekend I also have been able to hone in on my line of thinking as it pertains to force. 

Earlier today, I found myself feeling very anxious and then that anxiety turned into grief about very old wounds and such, and I was using that to be mean to myself. I went for a very long walk and focused on getting my steps in and that helped me shift my mind enough to recover. 

Anyway, I'm re-affirming to myself that:

                                                              1. Force repels, ease attracts.

I feel I need the reminder constantly, because right now, I'm still finding that when I really desire something, I pounce. I hardly ever give it enough space to align organically, because my attachment is on the outcome and on possessing it. That is closer to ownership than connection. I don't think I mean to own anything or anyone, I just think that I've been extremely insecure about it not wanting me back. Anyway, what I'm coming to understand is that when you rob a person of their ability to choose or try and usurp their power through manipulative means, the end result is deeply catastrophic. I'm learning that is another one of my limits.

I'm oddly excited for another week. Seems like another opportunity to do better. Even though I've been anxious, I don't necessarily feel lonely like I have before. I'm strangely at ease with myself. 

The up-side about this concentration of planets in my 7H is that I am learning to exist with people again. It's neither pleasant nor smooth - but I guess a messy attempt is more noble than no attempt. 

That's what I have to keep telling myself. 

 - vetiveroil