RIGHT FIT

​June 29th, 2026

This morning I woke up on time (objectively on time, not a half hour early to feel on time). I warmed up my breakfast, packed everything, and headed to the train station. 

I made it on time. Everything seemed to align perfectly, so not like how my first week at work went. I saw 7777 on the train car, and decided to sit in that one (LOL). While on that car, I applied (semi-impulsively) to another job, one more advantageously close and sort of asked myself if I was doing it to save face, or if I was somewhere that truly wasn’t a right fit for me. 

Speaking of right fits - I’ve had a shopping impulse which has led to me doubling my credit card balance over the course of one week. Last night just before bed it hit me that I blew through my funds and I probably wouldn’t get another check for some time. Not a great decision, obviously. 

That being said, I’m experimenting with clothes. It’s weird, for a long time, I didn’t like being physically visible. I really still don’t. A lot of these pieces aren’t quite the right fit, and so it feels like I am cosplaying someone normal, but just can’t get the costume right. I’m grappling with those feelings today, because I know that I am feeling this way because I’ve done something I couldn’t fathom doing a year ago. I’m tasked with looking at my much smaller body and wondering if I’ve looked this way all along. 

Is there ever such a thing as a “perfect” fit? Maybe. But usually it takes some styling (I'm learning). 

Today’s been tame, and so I’m reminding myself of something important: keeping myself where my feet are. 

Today for the first time in probably my whole life, I felt like I was living in thirteen year old me's dream life - except it wasn't a dream, it was a real day in my real life. 

I am nearly twenty five, I have a career I can be proud of (I worked hard for that - I'm still working for it), I make a bit of money (just shy of the number I set out for myself), my worldly vehicle is now a body I don't loathe (I'm still working on that), I am goals ahead of me, plans in motion, a handful of trusted friends who seem to like and accept me, I have little free time these days (that's been traded for money), but I am growing into something I really want.

Right now, at (almost) twenty five, if you asked me what my dream life looked like at thirty five, I'd say:

• A career in a like for like industry - one I can be proud of because it aligns with my sensibilities (it's the right fit). 
• A huge 3,500 SF home (two levels and a cool mezzanine) designed to my liking. 
• A nice garden/greenhouse for my desert roses.
• A little bathhouse to take hammam baths in - make entirely of Roman travertine.
• A private studio to work from (hopefully high up to align with my Mountain environment). 
• A body I am still proud to inhabit. A good figure, hopefully with better boobs (LOL). 
• Two (girl) cats and a (girl) flemish rabbit. 
• A $500K+ net worth (diversified).
• A strong professional network - people who like, trust, and believe in me. 
• A life free of clutter and junk. Not minimalism, necessarily, but not untidy. 
• Work that feels meaningful and thought-preserving, not mindless and bland. 
• I have friends who still love and care about me.
• I can afford to treat my mom to a good life without thinking twice. 

I guess if you want nice clothes, it is worth it to spend your resources on buying, tailoring, and maintaining them. I want a life different from the one I saw myself settling into some years back, and so to me, it is worth it to make the necessary tweaks for it. No matter how scary or tedious or annoying it all might be. It is worth it to eat well, to work often, to constantly be strategizing about the circumstances I am aiming to find myself in. It just is. 

I liked my outfit today, I even took my bear jellycat, even though it felt childish, I figured I would be honest about myself. I am sometimes childish. Self-acceptance is magnetic (I hear), so I am working on it. 

- vetiveroil