MOMENTS OF BLISS

 June 7th, 2026

Yesterday afternoon I went for a walk to make sure I hit my steps.

Afterwards, I wanted ice cream, so I drove to Chick-Fil-A.

We started getting really strong winds, dark, heavy clouds, and streaks of lightning.

So here I was, in my car, behind my wheel, driving down the interstate at 60 MPH, blasting The Weeknd's insane catalogue. A weight lifted off my chest from the work transition.

I just drove. I spent about two hours driving around, enjoying the warm wind of my skin, basking in the liminal - something I don't do often. I kept my GPS on, but simply ignored it in favor of driving straight for miles on miles. Many detours (by design) and in the end, I made it home safely and with the clothes on my back dry. 

It isn't necessary to always be five steps ahead, sometimes we can drive for a period of time with no true destination in sight. I guess I learned that tonight. 

Today I woke up early for a change, I had my first meeting with a professional mentor. At first I was afraid he wouldn't like me, or that I would leave a bad taste in his mouth, but we seemed to connect, and I am excited to move forward. He gave me some homework, which I jotted down on a flashcard:

1. Utilize LinkedIn to its full potential.

2. Network within my industry a lot more. 

3. What technology can set me apart from other candidates?

The third one still has me stumped, but I will think on it some more. After exchanging our goodbyes, I left the house and headed to another walk meet up. It ended up being so fun, lots of socializing, which I am getting used to, but it's a lot less encoded with trauma now than it was even six months ago. Such is the blessings of an exalted Jupiter, which I am just basking in, despite the tsunami of changes coming at me. 

After the meet, I ran some errands and thought about how I've always wanted a loft and how perfectly that aligns with my HD "Mountains" environment. Like eerily on brand. I thought about if I could visualize myself owning a condo in my mind's eye, I think I can, but the picture's a little blurry. 

I am curious to see how the next few years play out for me. I am working hard to establish a good foundation, especially financially. I am more cognizant of my debt, but also grateful, because for the first time in all of my life, the resources are just enough to graze it. That feels amazing. I am also beginning to etch out a future for myself. Alas, we cannot have it all, all of the time, and so I am deciding what would look best for my life is simply using money as a bargaining chip. I do not need the latest gadgets all of the time, in fact, I think I am becoming quite a minimalist in the sense that I am wary of surrounding myself with stuff. I think I need to feel secure and certain (as certain as a person can be). For me, that looks like ensuring I am well-rounded, well-skilled, highly competent, and well-resourced in every arena available. I am finally brave enough to reach out and broach the networking subject. It's like touching a stove and realizing it's scalding hot. It's hard not to anticipate that pain again every time your hand is near a stove. But, I guess eventually you learn to recognize the signs of there having been a fire, as well as the surface being cool enough to touch. 

Tomorrow I brace myself to go to work. I have to remind myself that I am not being prosecuted, no one is out to get me, I am perfectly safe and secure. I have nothing to be afraid of. 

I can simply enjoy some blissful moments without my brain telling me that I'll be paying for that on the back end. Half the time it's coming from a paranoid place. 

I had some blissful moments, and it's enough to let that sit for now. Plenty of time to analyze later.

- vetiveroil