I HID

 January 25th, 2026

I hid when I saw you

Because I was afraid

And enthralled all at once

And I chose the cowardly out:

Hiding. 

When you first came near, I stayed

It didn't feel threatening

But when I looked into your eyes 

And I saw how deeply I could look into them

I braced

I braced for what I had grown accustomed to:

The drop, 

the disrespect, 

the disregard, 

the death by a thousand and one cuts

You know, the relationship stuff.

So as soon as I felt that warmth flooding my chest, it felt scary

And so I hid. 

I guess that says everything about me, doesn't it?

That I flee when you come close,

but stare at you with contempt when you stay back. 

I want you close, I just can't reconcile

The person I see when I'm hurt

and the man I see when I'm craving your touch. 

I kept saying how much I wanted you to come in,

To sit on the windowsill and people watch with me.

But I've never had the courage to invite you in.

I keep leaving the door ajar behind me,

Hoping you'll get the hint,

And make yourself at home. 

I want you near, but brace when you're close. 

I'm hiding because I want everything I fear.

- vetiveroil