MASTERY

​December 11th, 2025

Today it dawned on me that I am beginning to master what it is I have been doing for the past year. Wonderful as it is, I know this isn’t the end..not even close. This is probably the first knot of maybe twelve. 

I’m getting back under control from my little appetite spiral that’s been occurring since like the week of Thanksgiving. I’m feeling more attuned to my body, which feels great. 

At work, I’m doing well. I’m happy. 

I’m comfortable with everything happening around me. I feel great that I have achieved so much this year. In spite of all the challenges, my 8H moon resilience has carried me through. That's priceless. 

Truthfully speaking, I’m fighting new devils now. I’m in such a new and raw place within myself. It’s the beginning of a very, very, very delayed awakening, and it’s scary and confusing, and I don’t feel any more prepared than I would’ve if it occurred in my teens (like it did for most people). 

Feels like added pressure, because I’m supposed to know better now. 

I am not sure where it’s all taking me, but I want to see it through.

The thing about pressure, is that it means something is expected of you (a beautiful aphorism to think about). 

I feel the weight of a lot sometimes, and I’m learning with this 7H Saturn transit to give myself grace. 

I feel the weight of…

Improving my professional skill-set

Establishing and maintaining a solid mind/body balance 

Conducting myself like an autonomous, responsible adult woman

Correcting the adverse effects of my childhood

(Re)-Learning functional skills needed to progress 

It’s a lot, it feels like. 

It's true that the toppling of any structure is quicker and simpler than the construction of one.

 I've destroyed many things in my life, often without a third or fourth thought (always a second, though, I'm not impulsive). It takes forever and a day to create, but once you create, it becomes difficult to neglect. Maybe that explains the protectiveness I feel over myself and my future - I've had to build it from scratch, it wasn't just handed to me. 

Laying the foundation of this new house has been a daunting experience, but I know it'll be sturdy as can be once I'm done. 

I can't wait to furnish what I've built. I deserve that much. 

Pressure means something is expected of me and I'm choosing to keep that in mind. 

- vetiveroil