HUMILIATION RITUALS

​December 5th, 2025

I watched this video that got me thinking about the realities of the world. About strife, the loss of innocence, and the complete absolution of one’s ego in the pursuit of self-actualization. Or at the very least, the attempt. 

It puts things into perspective for me. Primarily, the fact that I am not doing poorly in life because I am struggling through it, or meant to flee and try something easier because I’m struggling. It really just means I am not taking the shortcuts - not because I am righteous, but because I haven't had the choice to opt out of living. 

The “humiliation rituals” in question are all of the consequences of daring to do. They’re the things that test our patience, bruise our egos, and sometimes even scar us psychologically - but also, they can be the lessons that we learn. You can’t unlearn what you’ve learned and there is tremendous value in that. 

A year ago, around this time, I was getting ready to undergo one of the most difficult periods of my life. Recovery from my surgery, starting a job with a superior who hated my guts and continued to escalate his bullying behavior until he couldn’t any longer, etc. The perspective I’ve gained from that period is priceless now. It forced me topple a very fragile self-concept, whatever maladaptive coping skills I developed, and so on. That period urged me to conjure up a real picture of what I wanted my life to look like. None of that was pleasant or easy. It still isn’t. 

In my DM reading, the reader highlighted that I have a tendency of self-isolating (I do), that the behaviors I indulge in, are by nature anti-connection and perpetuate this aloneness. That is true. Relationships to me, have always felt humiliating. Perhaps that should tell me something. 

In the long term, severing connections feels like self-protection - in the long term, it’ll turn me into a recluse (derogatory). 

I think my tendency to escape uncomfortable situations within the context of relationships is my way of skipping out on a "humiliation ritual" that may be necessary for normal development. 

I am asking myself if I envision the woman I am meant to be as a scared, anxious, and isolated thing. The answer is NO. That reclusive energy feels shriveled, and I envision myself to be quite large in that blossomed state.

I had many other thoughts, but no time to write today.

- vetiveroil