DECEMBER (2025)

​December 1st, 2025

December 1st, wow! 

I can hardly believe how short the time span between this December and the last has been, and yet the difference is HUGE. 

Last December I started my current job, I was struggling a LOT, I’m much more confident now. 

Last December I was fresh off the table from my surgery (LOL) and wondering if I’d look back in a totally different body (I am!) 

Last December I had significantly less money, this December I’m working with a little more (thank God!) 

Last December I was determined to wedge myself in spaces that wouldn’t freely accept me, this December I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’ll never fit there (round peg in a square hole!) 

Last December I wanted to be anyone but me, this December I still struggle from time to time, but I’m coming to terms with who I am and that old feeling is dispersing. 

December 2026…who will I be? What will be my life? Will I like myself even more? Will I have more money? Will I have the body I’m working towards now? Will I have friends? Will I have gone to Amsterdam? Will I finally start dating? Will I have a social life? Will I look back at the person writing this now the way I’m looking back at myself from last December? 

It’s been such a long year. Wonderful things have happened in my life, also awful things have happened. I’m finding ways to cope with and integrate both realities. I am not the sum of my negative experiences, even though my mind tells me that I am at times. 

Somehow life is happening between these oscillatory thoughts - I have to keep reminding myself to stay present through it all. 

A lot of my goals reflect around fitness/health and then whatever career stuff I’m after. I don’t want to define clearly what it is I’m looking for with other people, that doesn’t feel entirely appropriate because it’s not fully within my control. 

I guess I’ll tag this entry, just so I can look back at it next December (LOL). 

- vetiveroil