STRUCTURE

 November 14th, 2025

They say Rome wasn't built in a day. 

I guess I am taking that to mean great things are built, and not given or magically conjured. 

To build is to craft, to tweak, to work at something until it comes to life, and maybe even past that point. 

I fell asleep at around 1AM last night (rather, this morning). I never set and alarm and nearly overslept. My phone started vibrating and it woke me up at 10:06AM. Strangely enough, I couldn't figure out who actually called me, it didn't show in my call log. I blew out the candle on my nightstand that miraculously didn't burn down my room as I slept. I woke up and made breakfast, finished the Brazilian TV show I was re-watching while getting ready, and left the house for my slew of errands and appointments.

At my yearly check-up, the PA called me a "success story" and I got a few compliments from a girl I had seen before, a year ago. I walked out not feeling the dread I've felt growing up about going to the Dr's and being told how concerned they were. For the first time ever, I was on the "right" side of it all which felt strange.

In the car, I found myself looking for signs of what's the come. My eyes darted across every car, every license plate, every visible landmark - the same way my ears are constantly perked up for any sound of an approaching car to whisk me from that awful house. I thought it was funny. 

After that appointment, I saw a Dermatologist, she was great, and had great skin. I got a chemical peel and thought about how I have two years until I'm kicked off my parents' wonderful insurance plan. Dreadful.

I thought today about how much of the past year's silent and (seemingly) fruitless work finally sprung into view. I suppose reclaiming my health and appearance was a start. I think over the past year, making that my focal point was my saving grace. I didn't lose sight of that goal, and perhaps I would've if I let other things deter/distract me. 

It was a beautiful Friday. I worked out, 10 minutes on the stairmaster (which kicked my ass) and 20 minutes on the treadmill (which I am more used to). I left with a nice sheen of sweat. Surprisingly, my cravings had significantly subsided. I tested myself by walking down the candy isle and ogling every chocolate bar I'd be salivating over during my Luteal phase and I just wasn't feeling it. I wanted a salmon bowl, so I got some salmon. I seasoned it and tossed it in the air fryer so it'd be ready after my shower.

I lathered myself in rose bath oil and put on new pyjamas. I am in sensory heaven now. 

I notice that I am out of my spiral. I am making eye contact with strangers, smiling, even. I am..optimistic. 

I allowed myself to entertain the idea of warmth, and acceptance.

In the house I grew up in, neither of those realities were exactly conceivable. So I never toyed with them very much. Where's the sense in dreaming of what you can't have?

Now that I'm drawing back the curtains to see, it seems so nice out. I wonder what it might be like to take in the fresh air. 

That alone keeps me working on my blueprints. To conceive a future where the sun warms my face, and the breeze is gentle. Where the cyclone doesn't persist, even when the season for it has passed. 

I guess the progress of this year has been primarily structural. It's hard to understand the significance of a strong foundation until you're in the cross-hairs of a catastrophe. I won't complain. I guess there's plenty of time to work on the finishings, but structure must first be established. Everything else will follow.

My foundation is getting stronger and stronger by the day. 

I keep clearing off the impurities, I want a clean slab to work off of. 

I'm knee deep in this thing, the only way out now is through. 

I know nothing about homes, but I am learning by the day. 

Rome wasn't built in a day, and I suppose my home won't be either.

- vetiveroil