NEEDS
August 24th, 2025
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My Virgo brain immediately went into perfectionist mode. I wanted everything to be pristine and perfect, and then I stopped myself - I wanted to analyze the need beneath all of that, and I caught whiffs of it.
Part of it is intrinsic..I do have high standards, and like things to look a certain way. But the more sinister side of it, is that I am hoping that tidying it up on the physical front yields me the things I crave: closeness, support, belonging, clarity, support, etc.
And yet I established a few days ago that none of those things necessarily go hand in hand with being perfect. Unfortunately, these are just not things you earn by being good and I keep having to fight that distortion, because cognitively I understand it, emotionally the pattern has yet to be broken.
If I choose to make desire my compass, I need to constantly be straining that stream of energy of any pollutants (insecurities, past memories of abuse, anxiety, etc.) I need the fuel I'm running on to be clean, not ridden with impurities I've picked up along the way. I believe in myself and my ability to create the right things for myself. If this means listing out the things I desire for them to be examined to ensure I'm reaching for the right things, I guess that's what we'll do.
Desires → Needs
1. Hitting my target weight/composition
→ The feeling of being good enough
→ A boost of confidence I don't otherwise have (especially to date)
✶
2. Amassing another $1M in awarded contracts this year at work
→ Proof that I belong
→ Validation of my abilities (after being doubted)
→ Security
✶
3. Gold jewelry (lots of it)
→ Projecting a glamor that is missing.
→ An attempt at garnering respect/admiration from others (in lieu of apathy or disdain).
✶
4. Cool clothes and cute outfits
→ More projection
→ Expression of my tastes outwardly
✶
5. A romantic/erotic life
→ Validation
→ Connection
→ Intimacy
I'm sure more will come up. These are what I could examine during my walk.
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