ACCORDING TO PLAN:

 August 30th, 2025

Today is one of those days where nothing is going according to plan.

I'm resisting (and failing) the urge to blame myself for what I did and didn't do (like that brings me any comfort) in order to cope with the fact that life is resisting me back. 

For starters, I was supposed to mail out an important check yesterday, but figured I'd do it today. Obviously, the post office closed at 1pm and by the time I had left the house it was 12:40pm. 

I got the check, but it won't be mailed out until Tuesday, which means I'll likely have to pay an expedited shipping fee. Secondly, I ordered some more gold, the package was supposed to arrive this morning, but when I checked the mailbox, all I got was a stupid slip saying they had missed me. I tried calling the number (no luck except for an automated robot). I'm not seeing those earrings until next week which is annoying. 

A relative decided to throw me a surprise party today, which I am only just finding out about. It's reminding me of why I loathe surprises. I've been running around like a chicken with my head cut off since trying to align these variables with her plans. I'm exhausted and it's only 3pm. 

To add insult to injury, the cake I had commissioned months ago came out so wrong. It looks nothing like the reference photo, and I only just mustered up the courage to let the baker know that I won't be picking it up. I feel like that's a bad omen. The cake was meant to be a motif of what I wanted to usher in with me this upcoming year. The key word here was control. After being tossed like a ragdoll for so long, I think I wanted a party (a year) that felt like it aligned exactly with my tastes because I willed it so. 

I'm disappointed that will clearly not be happening. I'm really emotionally high strung today, more than usual due to a series of different stressors (this being one of them). 

I'm so upset and resentful. I'm going to shower and try to make the rest of today a good one.

As I previously established, even the nuisances can sometimes unravel beautiful surprises. 

Perhaps this is a lesson in releasing my rigidity and flowing with life as opposed to controlling it. 

SOTD: Yams - Elijah Who

- vetiveroil