'GIRLS'

 August 2nd, 2026

I started watching Girls on Friday, and it has been so fun. 

I miss that whimsy depiction of real life that millennials so perfectly crafted in the 2010s. 

I am nostalgic for it, if you will. I was sort of a wreck this weekend, in the sense that I lacked a lot of the structure I pride myself on always keeping, and yet, I've been having so much fun. 

Yesterday, I asked myself what exactly it meant to 'have a life' - like how does that really look. I guess it varies from person to person, but I get the overarching sense that I am not one of those people that has one, and it feels like a shame. Being a Virgo rising is all about work sometimes (Cap 5H) - and I have a love-hate relationship with that. 

I keep thinking that someday soon, life is going to pause, and I am going to be able to live it retroactively, and that hasn't happened yet, and clearly won't, so what now? It's absolutely mind boggling to me that in the midst of everything happening daily people have time to do shit like get married, have kids, hang out with their friends, make friends, etc. When it feels like my life is a process of cleaning up my messes day in and day out just to be COMFORTABLE! 

Whatever, anyway, I am having a beautiful day. I meal prepped, I did my laundry, I ironed my clothes, I took a shower, I used my Korean mitt and scrubbed myself down from head to toe. I ate dinner. I went to the gym. I hit arms and legs today. I packed my bag for tomorrow. I will get my sleep debt caught up this week. I lit some candles, and an incense stick. I'm watching S2 of Girls, and I am thinking about the sheer terror that is intimacy and wondering if it's something I am cut out for, or ever will be. 

Tomorrow I will restart another cycle and ask myself if I am really living and maybe that'll motivate me to finish exploring that idea. 

Goodnight. 

- vetiveroil