MANTRA

​July 13th, 2026

This morning I woke up feeling a little wired. I went to bed on time, but that didn’t make the difference I hoped it would. I keep reminding myself of this: 

There is no where better to be than here, right now. 

It’s tempting. Reality is a lot less polished. It’s grittier. There can always be something to improve. Someone to be mad at. I take that bait often. Too often. 

7:37PM 

I'm home right now. In my bed, belly full, legs sprawled out, with the A/C blasting. Today was quite a day, so I'm letting myself bask in this. I changed my schedule around, and so I'll be home before 7PM for a change, and that's wonderful. I walked about twenty blocks to Penn today. That was fine, too, as the weather was practically perfect. Sunny, but not blistering. Warm, but not humid. Dry, but not arrid. I took in the sights as I walked my way down 34th St. Lots and lots of attractive, well dressed, young people around. Lots of ongoing construction, and I got the feeling that I had places to be, and this wasn't the last stop. 

Hard to believe this is my life at the moment. It was a colleague's birthday, his 67th to be exact. We laughed and chatted about it, and I told him how great he looked for his age. A human life is hauntingly short in the grand scheme of things - this I'm learning. Two days from now, my grandma will have her funeral. She'll be buried in the South, in the country (Aux Cäyes). Perhaps it'll be close to the beach. She was scared of the water, but I recall her bathing there once when my parents took us during my childhood. I wonder if I'll ever get to see her grave someday. I wonder where she is now, everytime I think of her, I can't stop myself from sobbing. The thought of her being laid underground, in the cold and dark Earth..alone..it breaks my heart.

Anyway, work wasn't great today. All I needed to get done got done, but not without headache. I found myself feeling fearful that I had done something wrong. That persecuted girl fear rose up again. I am quelling her back in. I ate clean today, and tonight, I will do my best to get to bed at a reasonable hour and stay asleep. I have an hour and change worth of sleep debt. 

I just don't know what to do with myself this evening, but I'm keeping my mantra in mind:

There is no where better to be than here, right now. 

- vetiveroil