LUCK OF THE DRAW

June 9th, 2026

Supposedly today was the luckiest day of the year.

Venus & Jupiter were conjunct in the sign of Cancer (just shy of my 11H). 

I had a talk with the HR consultant at my current company. She ended up letting me know that in the works was a "promotion" for me. It shifted a lot of things for me. I hate that I considered it momentarily. She asked me to write out exactly what would make the situation worthwhile, and the more I sat with her words, and the more passive aggressiveness I received, the more I became certain in this: things played out exactly how they were meant to play out. 

The hour leading up to our meeting and talk, I was struggling to hold back tears. I couldn't stop myself. I was back at that same state I was when I heard them make those comments about me. I was absolutely floored by it, and here I was, sitting in silence, trying not to draw attention to myself and cry too loudly. We spoke candidly, some of it I was able to write off as diplomatic 

I took her feedback, and it's been oddly nourishing. For the past eighteen months, I've been feeling as though I haven't been doing well, as though I've just been a train-wreck trying to look normal. Then, it dawned on me that other people could see my value, they just didn't verbalize it often - at all, really. That also gutted me, but also reaffirmed to me that I was doing the right things. I have a good head on my shoulders. In addition to that, I am quite...fearless? Bold? IDK. I'm realizing that in our flaws lies our greatest strengths. Had my experience at this company been as seamless as I'd hoped for, I wouldn't be coming to a full circle moment here. I likely would be here, still. I guess another thing I'm coming to like about myself is that I know how to make the best of a situation, and I know that I'm making my way through this one. Despite not having a strong start, I've accomplished everything I said I would accomplish and more. 

All in all, today was a great day. It helped heal some of wounds for sure. 

Afterwards, I did a reformer pilates class with some friends from my walking club, and then tomorrow I have another happy hour event with a few other friends from this social club. 

I guess above all else, I am grateful for the outcomes I've gotten thus far. 

I seem to have the ancestors behind me at all times, and that is so affirming as I attempt to navigate this big white, and male world. I'm stumbling head first so far, but I have enough strength to dust myself off and keep walking forward. I believe that at some point I will get to my destination, even if I don't know more than what's two steps ahead at first. 

- vetiveroil