REFLECTIONS ON APRIL:

​April 30th, 2026

As the month wraps up, I’m reflecting on things. I hardly did much writing at all, not that I ever stopped thinking. 

This month was a very external one. LOL. 

That's fundamentally opposed to my usual mode of living, so this was new. And fun. 

I did things that scared me. I did some things I never thought I would do, and I’m sprawled out, wondering what more there is to do. 

I’m learning my own brain a little better. Avoidance is a fear tactic. Ignoring what needs to be acted upon, simply prolongs the obstacle until it becomes too much to live with, and then action feels like a matter of life or death. My back is against the wall, so there is no option but to move.

I'm wondering if that's a healthy/sustainable strategy for me. 

It certainly isn't a proactive way of living, but what can I say? On some level I've grown used to living that way, and some part of me may even like the rush I get from having no choice but to move. 

April, in short, was a month of tapping that glass ceiling, even if it only existed in my own mind.

 In that, I’ve found that I’m tremendously brave, intelligent, resourceful, and so on. All of that means something to me. I guess there’s pleasure in surpassing the limits you subconsciously set for yourself. 

This month, I: 

- Started “running” (despite never believing I could - and loving it). 

- Accomplished a professional milestone (getting my credential after months of procrastination). 

- Experienced a few romantic firsts (after depriving myself of it for the better part of a decade). 

- Put myself back on the (job) market, despite not feeling fully prepared to do so. 

It was overwhelming at times, but I wouldn't change April for anything - perhaps just a million dollars, but I get the sense that the girl who's coming out on the other side of this month is perfectly capable of making herself a million dollar. I'm just unsure of the means and methods (yet).  

In May I'd like to:

- Do some Spring cleaning / re-arrange my furniture and room layout.

- Clean out my stash of clothes, anything that no longer fits has to go. 

- Minimize clutter - throw out excessive cosmetics, etc.

- Start my peptide - even if it's just to see how I like it.

- Sprint 3-4x a week - work my way up to 2 minute intervals. 

- Get a Keratin treatment for my hair. 

- Get a whitening treatment for my teeth. 

- Buy tier one of my new wardrobe wishlist.

April was wonderful to me, I can't wait to see what May brings!