THE BODY AS ITS OWN MICROCOSM

 February 18th, 2026

Last night I got roughly seven hours of sleep - the best I've done in about..4.5 weeks, possibly longer. 

It, I guess, put into perspective for me how critical it is to sleep well regularly - and also how my vanity (insecurity) and preoccupation with "looking" well gets the best of me often. 

I've been spiraling mentally for weeks, and unsure of where that was stemming from or how to help myself through it. Nothing seemed to do the trick, and today was by no means a perfect day, but among other things, sleeping enough has me feeling the best I've felt in weeks. It's a more holistic feeling of being well rather than feeling pleasure, which is what I get the edibles have been trying to stimulate.

Additionally, I feel so much more in control of my hunger and eating patterns which just feels great.

It's funny, because the mental spirals didn't spring me into action, but the bloating and feeling of "gaining weight" from the lack of proper sleep did. I resent that shadow side of me as a Virgo rising, where I feel the need to avoid vulnerability by concealing it with a polished surface. It's like living in a dilapidated house - but overlaying the walls with a venetian plaster and plotting an expensive slab of polished stone for guests. Expensive and unsustainable - but it feels safer than to demolish and rebuild the structure. Especially without blueprints, or a manual on where to start. But the critical part about a new construction is that it looks a mess for a LONG time, and then suddenly things start coming together, but even then it takes some time. 

I guess that should make me feel something. 

And for what it's worth, I am feeling energized by that realization. I trust that after some trial and error, I'll stop being ashamed of the deterioration. 

Shout out the mother Venus transiting my 6H for re-invigorating my love of the mundane. 

I plan to recommit, once again. That's all I can do. 

- vetiveroil