FEBRUARY

 February 1st, 2026

January felt like one giant Luteal phase. 

Just uncomfortable, sticky, and relentless. 

I guess I am recoiling from that, and also wondering how to better systemize my life so that I am not falling apart week to week and losing my momentum. 

I am trying to re-calibrate nutritionally. I am back (sort of) to my workouts, which felt daunting a month ago after coming down from the flu, but now feels comfortable - not yet therapeutic. I'm craving so badly to step outside for a walk and not feel rushed by the cold. 

Today I did something else that I haven't really done before. I communicated something, and it didn't blow up in my face like I was bracing myself for. That was nice, and sweet, and I so appreciate it. 

I have been struggling with therapy. I don't feel connected to the process very much, and I am wondering if what I am missing now is the correction that would come from having newer experiences to feed off of. I think I am right in this sense. 

I didn't do much worth documenting this weekend. I took some edibles, rode out my highs with music and TV, my eating habits were shitty, and so was my sleep. I'm working on it this upcoming week. Refueling and staying active as much as I can given the current conditions. 

I look forward to this month of February.

- vetiveroil