CONTROL

 February 19th, 2026

Today, I am off of work, which feels great. I slept nearly 8 hours, if not that exactly. That was nice. 

What a difference good sleep makes. 

I went to see my doctor for a metabolic test, and after what felt like the longest ten minutes ever, I finally had my results. My PA printed a copy of my previous test taken nearly 2 years ago, and by all metrics I was performing marginally better. I feel like a new person on a cellular level when I think about it that way. It feels great. I almost couldn't believe my results. 

Afterwards, I sat down with my PA, and we spoke candidly about my recent struggles, and so on. She gave me some valuable feedback. I guess I realized in the discussion that I am a total CONTROL FREAK! 

Not having a firm grasp on things at all times feels terrifying and destabilizing. I am constantly prowling the terrain for clues on what will happen next so I can brace myself and stay five steps ahead. I guess this crevice of my life is not immune.

I am proud of my efforts, it seems that these things really do compound slowly. I've completed at least a thousand of these workouts and I guess that realization culminated today. 

I will not ask myself, "what will it take to loosen my grasp on my own reality?" 

That's the equivalent of asking a person, what will it take for you to 

I am feeling happy. Working on sleeping more, eating well, and working out. 

I am trusting that something will shift in my favor soon, not sure what, but something will! 

It just has to.

- vetiveroil