100 - DEAN BLUNT

 February 19th, 2026

Today I listened to a Dean Blunt song and took me back to the optimism of last Spring.

Perhaps my expectations were a little high, I think reality was a lot more muted than I wanted.

I spent the entirety of that Summer pining over [redacted] only for it to crumble by September. 

By all accounts a let down, and a bit of a traumatizing experience because it was the first of many let-downs (some still occurring) after a loooooooong pause. They say Neptunian influence over the 5H/7H can create distortions and I don't discount that. I'm beginning to catch that in myself. I looked at [redacted] and saw everything I ever wanted in a person, but never felt confident existed in real life. Then, one day, in the middle of Brooklyn, it appeared briefly, and didn't reappear for some time. I caught a glimpse of it and when I tried to reach for it openly, I think I lost the plot. 

I realized only when it became impossible to ignore any further that not only were my feelings unrequited, but I they were also unwelcome. I then watched this man silent as a monk before me, sprawl out in the presence of another woman he was courting.

I think that killed it for me. I retreated again after that...

What happens when you awkwardly realize you're the third wheel and likely interfering with the connection of two people? It's a really awful feeling! Like watching a wine glass spill on an expensive rug and just knowing you won't catch it in time, so you just watch..totally suspended in dread and horror for those few seconds before you have to try and salvage what you can. 

Fate has a funny way of working, because the same experience re-ocurred with another set of people just recently, and I couldn't help but chuckle. It's not envy I feel - or jealousy for that matter. Just a feeling of being let down, but I guess that is stemming from setting expectations for other people. 

I say all of this to say - I love this song, it's one of the same 5 Dean Blunt songs I listen to.

He also loosely resembles my most recent gym crush, it's really funny. 

But also sad, because I accidentally pushed him away. 

One of these days I'll get a handle on my nervous system. 

One of these days.

- vetiveroil