THE SHED

 January 25th, 2026

Seems like all I've been doing is shedding.

The slow, drawn out, boring work of undressing.

That feels invisible to the naked eye.

Until it isn't.

I've been stripping bare - chamber by chamber.

I started taking edibles as of Friday night - I haven't stopped taking them since.

The past two days I've been high before bed. I haven't learned to shed my inhibitions otherwise.

I am too damn good at bracing. At surviving. At keeping myself composed. 

So my skin is hard to peel back. You'd almost think I couldn't, but I still can. 

Sometimes the most transformative acts are the most mundane ones. 

A few weeks back I was watching a tiktok video about the Islamic concept of sabr. 

Sabr (Arabic: صَبْرٌ) is an Islamic term for patience, perseverance, and endurance, representing the ability to remain steadfast in faith, maintain inner peace, and continue doing good actions during difficult times, trials, or when facing unwanted outcomes. 

I looked up, and the car to my left's license place read:

sabr 

I took that to mean something. 

Patience and endurance in the eye of the storm. 

Anyway, I've been feeling a lot of desire lately. It feels destabilizing each time. 

I did something unkind, and pushed someone away. I've been sitting with that realization since. 

What to do when your reflexes outpace your conscious mind each time? 

I don't really know. I am unlearning a lot about romance, and men, and me. 

I loved getting high this weekend, I needed the pleasure. Grit isn't the propellor I am needing these days - or the one I'm used to getting by on. It's quite new for me. Like sugar water after dry kibble or something. LOL.

- vetiveroil