SADE SATI

 January 18th, 2026

Last night, I got all serious about my life again, and especially in regards to my career and future trajectory. I'm committing again to my plans. I'm studying for some certifications and planning to supplement my resume for another pivot by the year's end. 

I am still on a little bit of a meditative kick following my EMDR session - seems like I am tracking this pattern of safety everywhere I go. The great news is that I had a breakthrough regarding my career trajectory moving forward. The bad news is that the change is a long ways away. I haven't yet overstayed my welcome, but I am reaching the tail end of that branch, so I've got to start planning for the drop.

A lot has been on my mind. Of course, work, but also - connection, money, my future, etc. About my career, I have decided the most productive thing I can do right now (aside from working on those certs) is work on getting my nervous system right and expanding my capacity. I have been short-circuting non stop over menial shit that won't matter in the grand scheme of things. It's coming from a baseline of insecurity, the belief that I simply can't trust the ground beneath my feet. That feels unfair in reality, because I've built that foundation - I've hand poured every square inch of that concrete for me to stand on. So what's not to trust?

In reference to connection - I am still learning how deep that am unsafe paradigm runs. Today in the shower, I thought about my track record - I'm awful at connecting with people. My brain doesn't know the difference between relational tension and sitting in a lion's den. I thought about how difficult it is to connect when fear is present. I am working that out, I think. 

I'm struggling to write again, this is all I have today.

- vetiveroil