REFLECTIONS ON THE YEAR OF THE SNAKE
November 26th, 2025
As of the past few weeks, it’s been quite intense for me. Feels like a massive purge has been taking place and I’m only now coming to that realization.
ON SELF-BLAME IN RELATIONSHIPS:
A situation has come up recently that in the past would’ve had me blaming myself or wondering if I didn’t do my “due diligence” to maintain peace or the connection. As of this week, I’m realizing that I simply do not care. That I don’t want to connect with people who make me wonder whether or not I deserve to be on their “good side” - that I don’t want to suffer emotionally in order to stay connected. Suffering is sometimes intermittent so the high of being close again feels so good until you remember that the other shoe will drop, you just don’t know when. I don’t want to experience micro-doses of cruelty anymore. I guess that’s one area I’ve purged in.
ON FORCING CLOSENESS OR MAKING THE ABSENCE OF IT MEAN ‘SOMETHING’:
Contrary to how it was in September, I found myself also not really giving a shit about a potential connection that fell through. Maybe I just want that interested in that person, but it felt like a really lukewarm acceptance of the fact that we don’t fit and even though I’m navigating through the ego bruise that is watching that person pursue a friend of mine instead, it doesn’t feel as catastrophic as I thought it would. I simply feel nothing.
I guess overall I’m beginning to like myself, which means that I want to be around people that like me, too. In practice, that looks like flocking towards people who feel easy to connect with and remain connected to. I’m re-learning that tension isn’t something to tolerate under the guise of connection, nor is it something that should be tolerable. Connection is really easy, actually. It’s quite simple, and requires very little effort which is something I’m just now realizing.
My intuition is strong, crazy strong that it feels like divine intervention sometimes. I’m learning not to let the anxiety win and to stand my ground when needed. Big changes are up ahead, but I feel (intuitively LOL) that if I stick to my guns, move with confidence, and let the changes manifest, I’ll come out of this in a better place than I initially started, which is great.
RENOUNCING MY LIMERENCE IN LIEU OF HAVING A REAL LIFE/PERSONALITY:
I realized today that I am beginning to renounce my limerence habit. In the past, I used to be very caught up in people who wanted nothing to do with me, for reasons unknown and that ambiguity was like fuel for the indulgence. I’m learning as of late (and I’m sure I’ll falter in the future, but I’ll figure that out) that it doesn’t even do much for me. So as soon as this course ends, and I have my normal schedule back again, I’m resuming my swimming lessons, locking in for the physique I want by strength training, and looking ahead at what I want.
Maybe that’ll include a few new hobbies, too. The op coming Fire Horse year is one of confidence and sincerity, and my confidence has been long suppressed behind “rationality” and I’m ready to kick it.
- vetiveroil
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