ASCETICISM

 October 20th, 2025

Today I got back on the path of asceticism.

This time, not because I was hoping it would grant me something, but because I realize that everything must be maintained - my physical being included.

I've fallen down the path of self-neglect before, and I refuse to go back. 

It's really kicking my obsession with beauty and the male gaze, but like in a way that was very much necessary.

Today was boring, I had work, I tried to bridge the relationship between myself and my coworker - not at the expense of myself this time, then I went to class, I was able to follow along this time and thankfully so. I went to the gym, got winded because it's been exactly one week since I've done a high intensity cardio session. I went grocery shopping after, came home, made dinner and lunch for the next 2-3 days, and now I'm waiting for the sweet potato brownies I am making to be done. It may be time to document it, because I keep losing it in my notes and it irritates me. 

I guess between yesterday and today, I realized something critical about self-worth and what it means to have it. Of course this is as this Libra stellium passes through my 2H (LOL). 

Overall nothing about today was particularly worth documenting, I felt like journaling nonetheless. I feel emboldened to speak up for myself as of late, which is weird, because I've always struggled to draw the line and as a result feared that anytime I did, I'd go crazy and become a tyrant. 

I'm realizing that doesn't have to be true and that I quite value balance (again, Libra 2H). Perhaps it's a season I need to enjoy.

It's a delicate balance determining how to care for yourself and others, too, and truthfully speaking, I've been on both ends, and it's not fun or sustainable. Balance is delicate, but worth the consideration. 

I'm dedicating myself to myself in the coming months. Readjusting my body to the intense exercise I was doing over the Summer, eating nutritious foods and actually staying on top of my vitamins, drinking water, sleeping well, etc. 

Vanity is simply a vehicle for my low self-worth and I have to stop fueling that vehicle, even if it makes me nervous to run out of gas half way through. Somehow I'll find another ride to hitch. 

I am clear headed today and i nthe right frame of mind to keep moving forward. 

Thank you, God.

- vetiveroil