SEASONS

August 25th, 2025

Last night I had a random memory resurface of my (great) grandma asking me to thread her a needle so she could sew. Something so simple came laced with so much nostalgia.

This morning I pulled up the blinds and my desert rose looked back at me. Bald.

Long gone are the days of vibrant pink blooms, she’s now humble and green (LOL). It hasn’t been more than 2 months of flowering, and yet, I got used to the beauty. I didn’t take it for granted, per se, but I forgot to appreciate the velvety green leaves.

Seems like life is a series of powerful cycles, and I guess even more so for me. My Destiny Matrix chart puts my central arcana as a 10 - which is presented by the wheel of fortune:

1. The wheel: A giant, spinning wheel is depicted with various figures on and around it. It represents the endless cycles of life, where luck and circumstances are constantly in motion.

2. The four corners: The card often shows four winged creatures—an angel, an eagle, a bull, and a lion. They represent the four fixed signs of the zodiac (Aquarius, Scorpio, Taurus, and Leo) and also symbolize stability and knowledge amidst change.

3. The Sphinx and Anubis: A sphinx often sits at the top of the wheel, representing wisdom and life's riddles. The Egyptian god Anubis is typically on the side or at the bottom, symbolizing descent into the underworld. These figures represent the constant, alternating rise and fall of fortune.

4. The letters: In many versions, the wheel is inscribed with the Hebrew letters Y-H-V-H (representing the name of God) and the Latin letters T-A-R-O, which can also be read as ROTA (Latin for "wheel"). 

I’m getting better with riding the waves these days. Working with the current, as opposed to against it. I’m even developing a sixth sense for when I’m overstaying my welcome, long before I have to ride it's coattails and still end up pushed out. It’s a very powerful skill to have, the ability to sense when it’s time to bow out and when it’s time to grit your teeth and withstand whatever forces are pulling at you. I’m resilient, but I don’t believe resilience is enough sometimes. Sometimes the most powerful thing to do is allow the tide to wash you back to shore - even when it feels like you spent a lifetime trying to reach the middle of the sea. 

I’m watching August bleed into September, the fervor of Summer turn into the stillness of Autumn. I’m being reminded to never take anything for granted. Not the vibrant blooms on my plants, the fun times I experienced this summer, the connections I’ve fostered over the years. It all serves as my life story. I used to do really badly with staying grounded in reality. If nothing eventful was happening, it was as though it didn’t count. I was heavily centered in my own inner world, and time doesn’t really exist down there. I have to remind myself that the clock is ticking regardless of whether or not I’m watching it. I'm working on making my outer world safe enough to inhabit full time. 

I really miss my grandma, I wish she were here, each day, I pray that she is with me in all seasons. 

- vetiveroil